Welcome to The Duality of Man, an original animanga role-play that features numerous supernatural creatures. Unfortunately, these various species have distanced themselves because of the war that occurred thousands of years ago, plaguing some with eyes that only see their dualism. While others meddle themself with their differences, two groups fight, each attempting to eliminate the other in for their definition of worldly peace. These two groups of the Terror Response Syndicate (TRS) and the Assembly of Phantoms (AP). With individuals fighting merely over their differences, it brings uncertainty to the outcome of this war.
We happily accept all role-players as long as they obey the rules and are capable of meeting our word count of 50. This does include those who are unfamiliar with this style of role-playing. The staff of The Duality of Man are willing to happily help those who are new to the role-playing world so they feel comfortable on site. Feel free to message the staff if you need help, they can be found here or in the site Discord and will gladly answer questions alongside calm concerns. If you have any suggestions we would love to hear them; guests may use the support board as a suggestion area as well. Should you decide to join, may I say welcome to the site and we all hope you enjoy your time here.
Yours Truely,
The Staff
season
Summer 2022
Heat has broken through into a glorious summer. The snow has entirely dried through the spring, leaving to the brilliance of the warmer months. Terror activity has risen as people are brought out of their homes, leaving the TRS in a position of consistent work. Each are attempting to maintain victory in the endless struggle for power.
With April, an activity check has arrived for members to do! Please post on the AC and tag all your accounts, including WIPs and OOC accounts. Failure to post on this AC will result in your accounts being marked inactive or deleted. Please note, due to a late start, the due date for this check has been adjusted for one time and one time only.
It had been a year since his death, ever since that day things had not been the same for him. One would think in a year he would have found his purpose to be alive, but as each day passes, he came back empty with any results. Perhaps he had been wondering around in the wrong area of the city, or maybe he always came this direction at the wrong time, either way, he found himself lost on the inside. Is this what my life will be like from now on? Emptiness because I just can't figure out what I'm doing here? All I have is a name of somebody I used to know, Umberto. Who are they? How are they connected to me. Why am I sad and happy, how are my emotions connected to this person? He had been deep in thought, not paying attention to the direction he was walking. It was currently dark outside, nobody would be out here and yet here he was. The fear of Terrors hadn't crossed his mind, still having the determination to kill them even though he couldn't remember why that would be.
His desire to find answers were started to dwindle away, losing all motivation. There were a few times during his year alive that he had come across a few people from AP that had tried killing him, but he somehow always managed to find a shadow bigger than himself that he was able to slip into and avoid future fights with them. Who am I? Why would I feel a great need to come back to a place like this? What did I use to do before my death? It was very easily for him to get frustrated. He raised his hand into the air, with his hand curled in a tight fist he smacked the building wall that was to his right side. Hand sliding down the wall, it fell back to his side as he leaned his head against the wall. The desire to cry over his lack of memory was tempting. It wasn't like anybody was out here to see him anyway. I shouldn't have come back, there wasn't a point. If there had been, I would have found my purpose for returning. His forehead was still leaning against the wall as he let out a long sigh.
No point in moping around here any longer... He pressed his hands against the wall to push himself away from it before turning around so that his back would now be facing the wall. If he had known that he wasn't alone he might have thought better about staying here as long as he had. What is that face expression for? Silas held a confused look on his face as the stranger was still looking at him. Who is he?
An entire year had passed since the horrible news had hit, the memories still remaining vivid with each passing day. After the charm being removed with intentions of making a new addition to his journal, Umberto had found himself lowering into the dark pit of his sorrows. Instead of venting his emotions in a positive light, the familiar had wandered down to the bar with intentions of draining alcohol bottles to ward the pain. He had stationed himself in a lonesome corner while drinking down the liquid despite its bitter, almost burning taste down his throat. It was obvious he was depressed as he remained hunched over the table, eyes clouded and face pulled into a deep frown. Darkness clouded his mind, engulfing him because of the monsters that snuffed out his light, his precious Silas.
Mere thoughts nearly sprung forth the tears, but despite it being unhealthy, Umberto resisted while his gaze drifted towards the bland wooden table. There was only one desire that the familiar possessed was the capability to hold his beloved husband again, but fate was fickle. The familiar sat in the bar, the effects of drinking starting to take effect while he remained quiet and aloof in the distant corner. Music played in the background, songs shifting by meaninglessly until finally reaching romantic song which caused the familiar to stiffen. The lyrics flowed from the speakers smoothly, tormenting Umberto as he hastily began finishing the bottle in his hand. Listening to the steady flow of words was dragging him to the brink of his emotional stability and he had no intentions of crying in public. Those inquiring voices asking about the problem were like knives to his mental state, reminding him the man he loved the most was gone.
Instantly after devouring the liquid, the familiar rushed out the front doors of the bar, hastily wiping away the barely forming tears. Occasions similar to this had occurred, but usual Umberto could merely excuse himself a bathroom break to avoid listening to the words, however, today he already felt near his breaking point. The depressed emotions had consumed him, resulting in him slowly walking away from the bar during the evening hours. Everything pleasant about his life seemed ripped away, leaving him isolated on the island of negative emotions. There were evenings when the pendant was away that Umberto would have difficulty eating or sleeping due to how upset he felt about Silas' death. The memories rushed back a moment as he remembered when those knocks arrived at his door and he was informed of the grim, it was enough to cause the slightest hints of liquid to form in his eyes again.
Although, the familiar was taken from his sorrowful thoughts when a phantom pain consumed his hand, causing him to glance around. Initially, Umberto thought that perhaps Evelyn had accomplished hurting herself again, which increased the speed of his steps. The night air of spring embraced him while he walked in a green sweater and pair of jeans, making his lack of care for appearance obvious. Naturally, his blue eyes flitted around his surroundings, pausing when they landed on a familiar shape, one that remained pleasant to the eyes. Immediately, the familiar drew closer as his eyes began widening when he witnessed the form that had his head against the building. The short reddish brown hair, muscular shape and facial features all maintained the exact specifications despite a year of being unseen in person
Umberto's expression shifted to shock as he stared at the miracle that stood in front of him and partially wondered if he perhaps consumed too much alcohol. Slowly, faint tears began forming in his blue eyes as he stared at the man who he married for love two years ago and died a year afterwards, Silas. Merely seeing him was causing the familiar torment, plunging him into an over-zealous, but emotional state the longer he stared. When his husband's gaze shifted towards him, the familiar met it, his heart rate suddenly skyrocketing with joy over seeing his face. Instinctively, Umberto reached out to pull his light towards him in hopes of never releasing him again. The tears broke from the binding, gradually rolling down the familiar's face as he finally found the most important person in his life. Holding Silas was a necessity after being apart from a year, almost as though the blue-haired man required a final confirmation of reality.
Silas couldn't help but feel bad when he saw the stranger's eyes filled with tears, but the action of reaching out to try and hug him, it was unacceptable seeing as they didn't know each other. He had tried moving away but Umberto had reached out to pull him into a hug, the force of going the opposite direction was met with Silas falling on the ground with Umberto on top of him. Even after I tried moving, he still wants to reach out to hug me? Who is this guy and why is he tearing up? I just don't understand it. Words hadn't been shared since he had seen this stranger staring at him, nor had any words been spoken as the hug was about to take place. Seeing as he was on the ground with this attractive guy. His confused look remained on his face. "Why are you so sad?" He was curious, unaware that he was the reason for Umberto's pain. A strange sense of knowing that it might be his fault started to overwhelm him, despite the fact Umberto had tears prior to falling on top of him, he felt a great need to apologize.
"I'm sorry for causing your fall.... I didn't mean to hurt you." He paused, "But do I know you?" It was strange, having somebody wanting to hug him. It had been a whole year and since his coming back, nobody had bothered trying such a thing so why was this guy being the exception. He just didn't understand it. His head had titled to the side slightly as he looked at Umberto, trying to understand his reason for wanting to reach out to hug him. My purpose.... will I ever find my purpose? His thought process was reminded of his reason for being in this area in the first place. His eyes closed as he tried to remember the time before his death, but it was a black slate. The face of the person who killed him, he, he couldn't remember who they were but he was positive once he found them that his memory might come back. Than of course the name Umberto had come to mind, he needed to figure out who they were and how they were connected to him.
What is the point in being here if I can't remember? Why did I come back? I just don't understand.... Without really thinking about it, his right hand had closed into a fist, preparing to hit the ground with it, as if the pain would help him remember, or force him to focus harder to force the memories to reappear for him. The hug that Umberto had tried giving to him earlier had somewhat comforted him, he was confused on why that would be. How could it be that he couldn't remember somebody when a hug such as that made him feel a great comfort in his sore heart. He felt defeated on the ground, wanting nothing more than to remember his past. The disappointment of not knowing this guy was overwhelming him. I want to remember. His right hand smacked against the ground hard, his intention to remember his past, but like before, his memory remained blank.
Initially, Umberto held certainty that his husband would warrant this embrace considering the length of time he had been absent. Tears were blurring the familiar's vision as he reached to rope Silas into a hug, but instead the man he loved pulled away. The opposing forces resulting in balance diminishing until the pair tumbled towards the floor of the alleyway, Umberto falling onto Silas. Instantly, confusion flared over the notion of his husband who he cared about immensely pulling away from an embrace. Slowly, the familiar lifted himself Silas, staring at him with large, tear-filled eyes. The fact his husband had pulled away from the hug stung, causing an ache to suddenly enter his heart over the action; why was Silas acting so strange? This behavior shift was incomprehensible for the familiar and his feelings for the man with russet coloured hair remained intense despite what occurred.
There was confusion across Silas' countenance, which caused Umberto to raise an eyebrow despite the tears that continued to roll down his pale cheeks. When the inquiry was asked, the familiar's eyes widened in shock that the question would even be required to be spoken. Originally, the blue-haired man had imagined the scenario being a tight embrace and the soft words of his husband attempting to comfort him; a fairy tale ending. Alas, he found himself in this peculiar situation of being unable to understand the sudden shift in Silas' attitude. The familiar pulled away further, sitting down on the ground beside his husband while pulling the sleeves of his green sweater up. Carefully, he brought his hands to his face, using the sweater's cuffs to wipe away the tears from his cheeks and eyes, the occasional sniffle rising.
"I-i haven't seen y-you in a year... w-why wouldn't I be sad?" Umberto answered, hiccups entering his voice.
There was no explanation given towards the sudden change in Silas' behavior considering the familiar found himself incapable of properly mentioning it. The following question brought an immense pain to Umberto's emotions, almost as though they were brutally attacked by the sheer weight of the words. Indirectly, the question claimed that he remained a stranger to the man he loved dearly, which caused more tears to fall.
"Kn-know me?" He began, trying to stabilize his voice. "Silas... I-i'm your husband! H-how could you?"
Trembles began claiming Umberto's body as he felt himself growing more upset over what his beloved said. Quickly, his cheeks felt slicked with tears as the familiar continued desperately attempting to try and dry them. The idea of Silas forgetting them felt like an attempt to push him away, which Umberto quickly found hurtful. Keeping his emotions stable was becoming impossible as he remained sitting on the cold, asphalt of the alleyway's ground. An entire year had passed since he last witnessed that gorgeous russet hair, beautiful eyes and general divine appearance of his husband. The wonderful tone of his voice, his incredible, heroic and loyal personality that acted as a savior from the dark world seemed to diminish; was there no protection from the horrible reality that was his life?
Slowly, the familiar's eyes gazed towards his husband only to witness his lover's fist raise and begin to plummet towards the ground. Quickly, Umberto reached out to cease the action, the concept of pain being inflicted upon Silas remaining unbearable despite the hurtful words.
"SILAS, NO!" The shout was created out of sudden panic.
A prayer was sent that he would manage to obtain the speed required for stopping his precious husband from hurting himself, but the prayer fell upon deaf ears. A phantom pain erupted into Umberto's right hand the instant Silas' hand collided with the unforgiving ground. Panic filled the familiar's expression as he reached to gently grab his husband's right hand.
"Hurting yourself won't solve anything, now let me fix your hand," he murmured softly between hiccups.
Should his husband decide to allow him access to cradling Silas' hand, the familiar had full intentions of healing him. The mentally harmful words did not matter, since deep down, Umberto remained absolutely in love with this russet-haired man.
Silas had noticed Umberto tears, he felt like his heart was being torn. On the one hand, he couldn't remember him but at the same time he wanted to try and help him instead of hurting him further. Umberto's question had caught him by surprise. I knew him before I died? The thought was upsetting, he frustrated that he couldn't remember him. He had apologized before asking if he knew Umberto. Of course the comment hadn't surprised him, though he couldn't remember the action of a husband reaching out to hug him like that, but he just couldn't remember. I can't.... I can't remember..... Is this my fate? To never remember? Umberto had had tears stuck to his face, it pained Silas to see him look like this. It was all of his fault, this beautiful man in front of him was in pain because of him. What did I do? Why can't... why can't I remember? It felt like he was splitting into two. His heart was telling him that this person was very close to him but his brain, his memory was telling him they never met before.
The tears played a huge role in him believing that his heart was correct. The only problem was that he couldn't share the same feelings, he didn't know this guy, it didn't matter if he claimed they were husband's. He didn't share those special feelings that one was supposed to feel when they committed themselves to another person. I... he must be mistaken. I'm all alone in this world. I don't have anybody. The thought seemed believable and he was upset, upset to think that he would be alone forever. His heart told him that he was wrong, that the person he was looking for was closer than he was thinking. This person was very dear to him. He just couldn't understand why his emotions were all over the place, all because he had met this man and had upset him, upset him because his memory couldn't recall meeting him. His fist had been raised, the guy had called out his name but it hadn't stopped him from smacking his hand against the ground. His eyes had reopened as he felt a soft hand touching his, he looked at Umberto in confusion but didn't pull away this time.
The pain didn't help.... it didn't help me remember who I am...... I.... want to remember. His left hand brushed his forehead before tangling itself in his hair as he tried forcing his memory's to come back. I want to remember......... I want to remember.......... His right hand had slowly started forming a fist again but he stopped himself, remembering that Umberto was holding it. I need to find Umberto........ He thought to himself, feeling upset once more. "I need... to... find.... Umberto...."
Tears continued to slither down Umberto's cheeks as his blue eyes stared at the man he loved. Every fiber of his heart was aching, especially from his husband's behavior and the attempt towards hurting himself. The hiccups in his breathing continued and a congested feeling had arrived from the sobbing the familiar was guilty of. This condemnation to a sorrowful pit was harming his emotions, making them plummet further into the dark world; was there truly no mercy? Softly, Umberto caressed Silas' hand, already discovering the familiarity in touching his lover's hand, but it lacked the usual comforts given the situation. The sleeve returned to the familiar's face, desperately wiping away the tears, but they got replaced quickly. Gradually, he managed to reach a calmer state of mind to allow the healing of his precious husband's hand.
The damage area got enveloped in a pale blue aura, similar to the one coating Umberto's hand. Minutes ticked by, tears continued to trickle down the familiar's face as he healed the handsome man. There was mild comfort found in Silas remaining still for the healing session and once completed, Umberto continued staring at him. The blue-haired man's vision remained blurred by tears while he carefully pulled away from Silas to sit against the wall, keeping a single hand gripping the wraith's right to avoid damage. Immediately, his knees went towards his chest, his arm wrapping around his legs and his chin resting on top.
"... Did you no longer want me around?" Umberto choked out.
The notion caused a flood in the familiar's eyes, making is rasping sobs worse as he tightened the grip around his knees. Mercy was a foreign concept nowadays in the depressed world that Umberto trapped himself in. Everything sparked thoughts about Silas, but upon discovering the man he loved, consoling hugs were nonexistent and those sweet, flattering words never touched his ears. Trapped in the environment of his own delusions, the familiar continued staring as the tears increased, creating rivers of salty water from his eyes. These upset emotions continued playing with his thoughts, clouding his judgement with notions of the russet-haired man despising his presence. The illusions masquerading in his mind sparked belief, stating that it explained why Silas disappeared and removed the golden band from his finger; the band that marked commitment and love.
Quietly sobbing, the familiar felt the fist sudden clench which caused his grip to tightened. Despite the pain inflicted from his presence, Umberto still loved Silas. Then those words that left those beautiful lips both comforted and shattered the blue-haired man. The familiar's name had been spoken, yet, not associated with his face.
"I'M UMBERTO!" He shouted unintentionally, feeling as hot tears continued pooling in his eyes.
Admittedly, the familiar felt wounded that Silas did not remember the name belonged to him. Immediately, the desperate wiping of tears continued as he found himself sobbing again. Every attempt to control his rampant breathing was a failure, which shortly resulted in trembling entering his body.
Silas couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly horrible as the man in front of him appeared much more upset by his reaction to not knowing him. Though he was frustrated at himself, he couldn't help but feel a great desire in comforting this man, this man who claimed to be his husband. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't remember, if it was anybody's fault it was his own, correct? Umberto asked his question and he couldn't help but freeze in his spot, did he not want him around? That might not be the right wording, though he wasn't happy being alone he didn't want to have Umberto around just for his own benefit, he didn't want to hurt this man's feelings anymore than he already had done. Thoughts were rushing through his mind as he tried forming the words needed to explain his desire for having Umberto stay, though he wasn't familiar with him, Umberto seemed to be such a kind soul and he felt like he was being pulled in an invisible embrace.
"No...." He answered suddenly, finally mustering up the courage to give his answer. His cheeks went a light pink. "I... want you to stay." Fear of having this man leave him, when there was a slight chance that they might have some form of connection. He didn't want to let this man leave his side. "Please... stay..." He mustered the rest of the comment out, frustrated at his own thoughts of not being able to remember him. I I want to remember..... I want to remember more than anything... When he made the comment of having to find Umberto, he was surprised when the man next to him admitted to being that person. He was stunned, Umberto was his husband? It would make sense that he was looking for his husband, seeing as he had written his name in a notebook at one point in time. "I'm sorry....." He started again, upset that he can't remember. "I'm soooooooooo sorry...." He felt like shit, he had hurt his husband's feelings and he had found the person that he had been longing to find for over a year.
He let go of his hair, letting his hand slid down his arm, than side before putting his hand in his jacket pocket to pull out a small notebook. He handed it over to Umberto, "I... wrote that. I don't remember when.... I remember first seeing it when I came back..." The notebook had been written from a year ago. My Dear Umberto, you must be wondering where the hell I am right now. I'm sorry I couldn't take you along with me. I just had to do this alone. I'm grateful that you married me and I love you very much. I plan on being home as soon as this is done. Love Silas. Silas had read that notebook over and over again, he couldn't remember writing that note but it seemed safe to assume that it must have happened before his memory disappeared. "Reading such a message, I know it is my hand writing but I don't remember writing it. I want to remember..." He couldn't help but feel a great desire to mumble again. There was a noise coming from a distance and he froze in his spot.
His head turned in that direction, fear written all over his face. Oh my god..... is that..... it is..... He started shaking slightly, fear overwhelming him once more. Ever since he came back, he has had a fear for Terrors and AP members trying to kill him off so he made an effort in getting as far away from them as much as possible.
Sorrow was conquering Umberto's emotional state as the tears continued to roll down his cheeks. Their residue left slick patches of liquid on his face that grew cold in the breeze. It was difficult to cease the torrent of tears, which resulted in the familiar hiding in face in his knees. Raspy sobs and hiccups continued despite his efforts to cease the noise of sadness. There remained a desire to be captured in Silas' embrace and comforted, but that appeared unavailable. Comfort was wanted, that necessity to be embraced and whispered sweet, calming words, but instead he found himself crying. Being graced by his husband's presence after a year of absence was suppose to be the greatest day in his life, instead it felt shattering. The immense difference in attitude and memory was ripping Umberto apart, resulting in the upset emotions continuing.
There was the notion of being plunged deeper into the darkness, those cheerful memories reminding him that the wonderful man he married was gone. Leaving seemed a viable option despite how much his heart longed to remain in Silas' presence. A feeling of lonesomeness transcended over Umberto, almost as though his husband was not near. Those dark thoughts crowded, tormenting the familiar as he curled up tighter. Then arrived sanction from those memories in the simple pleading from the russet-haired man, a begging for him to remain here. Slowly, the blue-haired man's face was revealed from behind his knees while he stared at his beloved husband. The sleeve was brought towards his eyes to wipe away more tears as sniffles and hiccups continued the finale of their rampage. The familiar's eyes were red and puffy, the flesh even stinging from the immense amount of sobbing he performed.
Extensive breaths finally arrived to join the words that soothed him, the concept of Silas' desiring his company assisting in the calming. Instinctively, Umberto squeezed his husband's hand which brought reassurance to his uneasy emotions. Tones of hurt remained, but temporarily the familiar felt more placid. When the apologies began, Umberto listened to the words with uncertainty of what he could possibly say. The notebook retrieved from the coat caught the familiar's attention as he hesitantly reached for it to read the words. As Umberto scrutinized the words written across the page, he felt the tears attempting to return. His breaths grew shaky as he released Silas' hand to get a firm grip on the stark white page. The tears were fought, leaving pressure behind the familiar's eyes as he held the page close to his chest.
"... Y-you never came home... W-why did you leave?! You... were e-everything to me," Umberto stuttered through the congestion in his mouth.
When the mentioning of remembering was brought, Umberto stared at his husband. The concept of Silas not remembering was sorrowful for the blue-haired familiar who had pined from his absence. Vacant memories brought the possibility of his husband no longer developing those romantic feelings they held those years ago. The mere thought made Umberto tremble in fear that his precious hero would permanently leave him with the additional sting of it being for another individual.
Once the familiar managed to calm himself, he attempted to speak again. ".... You don't remember anything? Nothing from when we were together? ... Does that mean... you no longer love me?"
The final question caused the tears to return in small traces as the familiar stood from the ground. A portion of him desired to flee because of the possible answers that Silas could provided; he desired to live in those delusions of his husband's love. Those thoughts were halted when Umberto's sensitive ears began detecting noise, causing his attention to increase immediately from his familiarity with terrors and Assembly members. Shortly, the familiar's eyes flitted back towards his husband to find fear lingering in those gorgeous eyes. A protective instinct sparked in Umberto as he gently grabbed Silas' hand to lead him away.
"Follow me, but be quiet. Okay, Silas? I am going to take you home and try to avoid getting interrupted by those fellow," Umberto stated.
Any sorrowful emotions were pushed away for the time being, the familiar holding back any tears his mind desired to shed. Instead, he carefully led Silas further into the alleyway, gradually leading the man he devoted himself to through the streets and alleys.
Silas heart ached, seeing Umberto so.... what was that emotion? He was crying, he knew that much. Was sad the right word or would it be more of a depression? He wasn't sure but he didn't like seeing Umberto that way, he didn't like knowing he was the reason that he was so upset and shedding so many tears. After Umberto had asked his question and he had given his answer, he felt a squeeze which made his heart flutter suddenly, it was as if he had felt this feeling somewhere before but he just couldn't remember? Or maybe he was just imagining it? He watched as Umberto had reached for the notebook, reading it to himself before seeing his face expression once more. Had showing him the notebook had hurt his feelings more? Silas just couldn't understand it but he felt even more bad that he failed to comfort him. He could hear Umberto's breathing and it made him somewhat worried, he wasn't sure why he was feeling this way, he had only just met him after all but at the same time.... this guy's well being, it was important to know that he was going to be okay, there wasn't anything strange about that right? Umberto had a firm grip on the page as he held it close to his chest.
The words Umberto spoke next were like daggers in his heart. He was forced to stare at the ground, shamed that he couldn't give Umberto the answers he was seeking, hurt that Umberto had said that he had never come back. Though he couldn't remember Umberto, he didn't like the idea of Umberto making it sound like he wasn't here, in front of him. What am I doing? He is upset about his husband.... but he claims that is me.... but I don't remember anything before my death.... I don't understand why I'm having all of these random feelings all of a sudden... make them stop.... make them go away. I don't want these feelings.... I want my memories back but if I am going to just feel pain to get them than I want to be alone.... I... I don't like this upsettingly feeling..... He thought to himself as he heard Umberto's question. He wasn't sure if forgetting was a good thing or not, on the one hand he couldn't remember but on the other, he still felt guilty for having answers and not remembering them. "I only remember a little bit just before I died." He answered, still ashamed of not having a better answer. Speaking about his death was a sore subject, he just didn't want to talk about it. Though he might have considered telling Umberto if he could remember him but.... it was still just all so foggy.
He had gone silent when he noticed Umberto standing up, there had been more that he had wanted to say but before he could make another comment he heard a Terror headed in their direction, he looked in the direction the noise had come from and froze in his spot. I don't want to be anywhere near that thing.... but.... has it come to kill me off at last? He looked towards Umberto when he felt his hand held by Umberto once more. He nodded his head in agreement, already knowing that the best way to not be noticed is to remain quiet. With the help of Umberto, he stood up and followed after him. Careful to remain quiet, figuring now would be as good as a time as ever to allow his thoughts to wonder. It wouldn't be until they were far away from the Terror that he would speak up again. "I... was searching for you this passed year... I know it doesn't mean much.... since... well you know I don't remember but...." He was still hurt that Umberto had said that he hadn't come home. He just wanted Umberto to know that.... his amnesia husband had still tried.... I don't understand why I don't remember.
The cruel torture of his depressed emotions were tormenting Umberto while he remained in Silas' presence. Those fantasies created in the depths of his mind, those desires for comforting embraces to sooth his sorrowful emotions were nonexistent. Everything felt covered in menacing shadows, as though the dark reaches of the world he was raised in followed. Emotions felt fragile, causing the familiar torment as he remained next to the man he still loved. Being unable to be given an answer to why his piece of sunshine left stung, forcing Umberto to attempt to hold back the overflowing tears. All those precious sweet moments alongside the reasoning behind why Silas left were vacant from his husband's mind, creating an isolated state. The memories remained vivid in the blue-haired man's mind, reminding him that the wonderful man he married was stolen by amnesia.
Gradually, Umberto felt himself spiraling down into the pits of guilt and despair; he should have protected him better. The most significant person he ever met required shielding, but the familiar had failed the man he cherished. The empathetic sensory shared between himself and his husband sparked, making Umberto capable of noticing those guilty and ashamed emotions his husband was feeling. The shame increased as the blue-haired man realized that his own sorrows were effecting the man he treasured, the person he was tasked with keeping safe from those horrible feelings.
"... I'm sorry... I... It's not your fault, I was suppose to protect you... You were my everything, and... when you really needed me... I failed," he murmured. "I'm so sorry... Everything would have been alright if I wasn't so useless..."
Remorse and sorrow was evident in the familiar's words while he spoke, crumbling to his own negative thoughts about himself. Those personal views of being worthless considering his lack of ability in defending his husband; the warrior who saved him from his despicable father. Although, Umberto remained determined to protect Silas to possibly remedy his past failure. Carefully, the familiar led his husband from the alleyway, his enhanced senses working towards avoiding the monstrous creatures and people of the Assembly. A tight grip was maintained on Silas' hand, the blue-haired man making it obvious that he possessed no intentions of losing his beloved again. The streets remained quiet, night never holding the occasional crowds because of the terrors that lurked around Lorsette. Through the entirety of the walk, Umberto felt guilty about the failure to protect the beautiful russet-haired man. Once they drew further from the terrors, the familiar physically relaxed, working towards leading Silas down the route home.
When Silas spoke, an ache entered Umberto's heart over the words he stated. For an entire year, his husband had been searching for him while he drowned himself in alcohol to banish his sorrows for a night. Instead of searching for faith, he trusted in a pendant and draining bottles of liquor to maintain a false sense of happiness. Shamefully, the familiar's head lowered as he stared at the concrete sidewalk in silence. Shortly, the walking was ceased as a single hand was brought towards his face to viciously wipe away the remnants of any tears.
"... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I never looked, I should have," he began quickly. "I'm sorry I failed, I'm sorry I can't be better, I'm sorry I made you feel bad... I'm so sorry..."
The apologies were hastily spoken, a shaky breath being drawn while Umberto gently released Silas' hand, turning to gaze at the handsome man he loved. A few tears rolled slowly down the familiar's face while he stared at his husband's face, carefully reaching as hand out to gently touch the side of his face. The intent was to create focus, the blue-haired man maintaining a silence for a few moments.
"... Can I please hug you? I just... please I want to calm down," Umberto pleaded.
All that was desired was a moment, a chance to embrace his beloved husband and feel the soothing essence created from being capable of hugging the man he cared about. The safety created from having Silas' arms wrapped around him was a nostalgia that Umberto craved and a necessity to calm the emotional state that ravaged him.
Silas felt shamed that he couldn't give Umberto any answers, there was nothing worse than having questions thrown your way and yet you were still unable to come up with an answer. I want to remember, I want to tell him the reason why.... It doesn't mean that it was a good enough reason but.... he deserves to know and I want to remember too. He thought to himself, taking a breath he answered. "When I remember, I promise I tell you." It felt like the right thing to say at the time, though if he could remember, he wasn't one for keeping secrets from Umberto anyway, unless it meant keeping him safe though before his memory loss, he had a great desire in telling Umberto what had happened. He remained silent, listening to Umberto's words. "Protect me?" He was slightly confused, though he couldn't remember his passed he thought he had done somewhat of a good job defending himself even though he had died.
"I don't understand." He added, just to prove that he wasn't even aware of the species Umberto is. "It isn't your fault." He added as if trying to comfort Umberto. It is my own fault, if I hadn't gone off on my own for what ever reason I had, maybe I wouldn't have been killed in the first place. Silas followed after Umberto, now knowing that Umberto had been the one he was searching for, he found himself somewhat relaxed in the tight grip Umberto had on his hand. When they had made it out of the alley way, headed towards what he assumed to be the direction of home, he had commented back to Umberto about earlier. "No. Don't be sorry." He corrected Umberto quickly. "There was no reason for you to search..." He wasn't sure why he had made the comment, "You didn't know I was alive, just that I wasn't found...." Trying to comfort Umberto felt unfamiliar but he was determined to try his hardest to be the best husband that he supposedly had been before he lost his memory.
"I just mean, it would be an assumption on the reason for me no longer being there..." He had been alone when he had come back alive and left that area, so nobody would have been able to move his body even if they had tried it. Umberto had released his hand and he couldn't help but feel empty without that hand intertwined with his. Umberto had tears rolling down his face and Silas felt a great need in trying even harder to comfort him though being asked for a hug had caught him off guard and his cheeks became pink from embarrassment. I don't have my memories and he still wants to hug me? I... I want to hug him too.... Umberto had given his reason for the hug to be so that he could calm down. He felt a great desire to try that hug over again, this time not knocking them both on the ground just because he couldn't remember his beloved husband.
Instead of answering Umberto's question, he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Umberto, still blushing from having been asked. Umberto had asked if he still loved him, he wasn't sure on how to answer that question, he couldn't picture himself not loving this guy but at the same time he couldn't remember doing so. I want to love this him. I want to see him happy and not upset, I want my memories back and to make things right with him.
Despite being in Silas' presence, there were still portions of Umberto's mind that remained broken. The return of his beloved husband had always been imagined as a time of mending, where he would gain the opportunity to finally restore from the torment, but it appeared nonexistent. Even the reason for his husband's absence remained unexplained, which caused the familiar's eyes to maintain their sorrowful gaze; where were the answers and the comforting words?A mere nod of acknowledgement was given towards Silas' promise, the blue-haired man praying that the reason for his husband leaving would be discovered. A truthful answered warranted the opportunity to know exactly what he was required to protect his lover from, which made it a necessity to assure his safety. Protecting Silas was an occupation he possessed the instant he became his familiar and afterwards his husband.
At the mentioning of the blame not being his, Umberto stiffened as though the words were forbidden to be spoken. Protecting Silas had been the primary objective, his failure being displayed in memories of when those officers arrived at the doors. Those insufferable words spoken from lips that arrived to deliver an envelope of black in order to send him plummeting into the darkness of his horrid thoughts.
"... No, it's my fault... My job was to protect you, but I failed. It's my fault, entirely my fault... I'm sorry," the familiar mumbled. "I devoted myself to you in multiple ways, all making you somebody who required protection and ultimately I was worthless in the cause considering what happened... I'm sorry you couldn't get someone better..."
There was no comfort in being informed that the responsibility for Silas' death did not belong to him. The self-conscious thoughts and malicious memories that tormented him made it impossible for Umberto to believe. The self-employed job of protecting Silas was charged to him to which he failed the significant task. Apologies appeared to flow from the familiar's mouth smoothly the longer he remained in the company of his husband since his mind assisted towards the apologetic attitude. When his husband corrected him about seeking him, he soothed a degree due to the logic in the argument. It provided a mild comfort and managed to lower the guilty emotions, but the depressing ones continued their rampage. A countenance of sorrow remained written across Umberto's face as he found it difficult to banish the emotions.
The familiar noticed the light pink that touched Silas' cheeks caused his blue eyes to soften and warm. There was an appearance of cuteness that always arrived when he managed to cause his husband to blush. As Umberto stood silently, he feared that the man he loved around refuse due to his lacking in memories. The familiar closed his eyes, prepared to hear the rejection, but instead was greeted with the warmth of arms drawing around. He was tugged into an embrace where he immediately noticed his husband's scent which caused his eyes to open. Comfort was found wrapped within Silas' arms, the blue-haired man hesitantly wrapping his arms around his companion.
"Th-thank-you," he quietly choked out.
The embrace was tightened as Umberto felt tears rising from the depths of his eyes as the reality continued to set onto his mind. Instinctively, the familiar buried his head into his husband's shoulder in desperate prayer that he could keep the crying hidden. A barely audible whimpering arrived as the tight embrace was maintained and Umberto took the few moments to gently sob while within the comfort of his lover's arms. That difficult year of sorrows had tormented him and continued to play with him by providing the man he loved with void memories. All those days of attempting to appear though, refusing any moments to allow the tears to shed in public crumbled while he remained in his husband's embrace in the silent comfort of warmth and nightly bliss.
Silas held a confused look on his face as Umberto insisted that the blame was his own. "It isn't your fault, I know I don't remember but what I do know is that before I died, I felt happy and guilty. Only the name Umberto to help me to understand that those feelings had been towards you. I wouldn't have felt happy about dying, in fact the moment it had happened I felt overwhelm guilt. "You can't blame yourself for my death, there must have been a good reason that I didn't take you along." He zoned out, Would I really be the kind of person to go out and hurt this man? I'd like to thing not but I just don't know. I just know that my death came but I just.... I just don't remember anything before that. Those faces.... I never want to see those faces again. He realized that he had zoned out. "I don't understand why you blame yourself, husband can't protect each other if the other one didn't give him the chance to do so. It is my fault..." The words started to sink in and he felt guilty again.
He further gave his comment about how Umberto couldn't have known about him being alive, having a slight hope that it would help Umberto understand the blame hadn't been his husband but it would be his and his alone. He may not remember marrying Umberto but he wasn't about to blame his husband for his own actions. At first hugging Umberto had been somewhat embarrassing, he felt like his emotions were going all over the place. On the one hand, he wanted to hug Umberto until he was no longer sad, feeling like he wouldn't have a good enough reason if Umberto happened to be happy. From what he could tell, he had hurt his husband and he didn't even have the memories to understand the reason as of why. Umberto's thank you made him feel comfort, though he felt his cheeks go pinker when he felt Umberto's arms wrap around him in return. He never wanted this hug to end, it felt somewhat familiar as if he had done it before but at the same time felt like years since the last one, he just couldn't understand why that would be since he couldn't remember hugging Umberto before earlier today.
Umberto had tightened his grip and he melted into his embrace. Umberto had buried his head in his shoulder and he gently pat him on the back to try and comfort him more. This.......... it all feels familiar but...... from where.... where have have I done this before? He felt confused, his forehead hurt and he wasn't any step closer to figuring out what his missing memories happened to be. A noise had sounded from nearby, it sounded like that of a laughter and he couldn't help but slightly start shaking from the noise coming from around the block. That girl had been there when he was on the verge of death and instead of trying to help him she had stayed back, fear, but allowed him to die. There was no mistaking that laugh of hers, he knew her from anywhere. She may have watched but she was just as much to blame as the other two for killing him. I'll... i'll never forget that face.... that face I saw just before I died.
Blame felt heavy on Umberto's shoulders despite the constant insistence that the condemnation should be placed elsewhere. A familiar's sole purpose was to be the guardian for their chosen master, to protect them from the harmfulness of the outside world; protect them from the hidden darkness. The devotion given towards Silas possessed the purpose of defending his beloved from horrendous portions of this cruel world when necessary, but he failed in that regard. Listening to the emotions his husband felt upon death made Umberto's heartache worse. The concept of his husband requiring the release of death caused an uneasy feeling to raise in his stomach. Had they tortured the man before permitting him death's embrace? Imagining the notion scared the familiar, causing a tremble to proceed through his body. Allowing anybody to submit that crime on his precious Silas was the highest crime in Umberto's eyes.
When Silas mentioned the lack of comprehension over the blame being placed on him, the familiar merely gazed at him. Sorrow continued to cloud his usually bright, blue eyes as he stared at the man he loved.
"... I was your familiar... my job was to protect you," he mumbled. "I failed... plain and simple... I'm sorry."
Sinking into Silas' embrace was comfortable for Umberto, a natural response to being in his husband's arms during moments of stress or sadness. The warmth, scent and feelings maintained that nostalgic emotion from years ago, reminding him of those days huddled in the russet-haired man's arms. Using the opportunity to cry was unintentional, the flood of tears overruling his self-control, resulting in him crying into Silas' shoulder. Being considerate of his husband's emotions were difficult as his own continued to overwhelm him while he remained in the precious safety of the embrace. There was a desire to remain Silas' arms forever in hopes he would never leave again. The soft patting on his back was comforting, although, the biggest provider of comfort was his husband's presence.
Gradually, the familiar found himself calming in Silas' grip as the tears went dry. Despite the crying ending, Umberto kept a tight embrace on his husband, extending the hug. There was incredible comfort in maintaining this position, the familiar finding reassurance that currently everything was alright. A soothing feeling transcended over the familiar as he continued to hug his husband, the solace in the action making his embrace tighten.
"... I missed this... I missed you," he mumbled softly. "... Please, don't leave again..."
The familiar's sensitive ears detected the noise with ease, the sound of a woman laughing being obvious. Focus was placed on his enhanced hearing, but was distracted when he noticed Silas' trembling. Hesitantly, Umberto drew away slightly to gain the chance to view his husband's face. The laughter was obviously disturbing the handsome man, causing the familiar to carefully rub his back in a calming rhythm. Noticing Silas' fear was concerning considering how unusual it was to Umberto, but it gave the man a determination to get his husband to the planned destination of home. Swiftly, the familiar reached to tightly grab the russet-haired man's hand in order to proceed in leading him home.
"C'mon, let's keep going, we will be safe once we are home," Umberto assured. "If anything happens, I promise, I will protect you. Just stay close, okay Silas?"
Afterwards, the familiar turned in preparation to lead his husband away from the menacing laughter. The problem revolving around Silas' lost memories could be tackled once they were home and shielded from the horrors that roamed Lorsette during the night.
Silas looked at Umberto with a confused look on his expression. "I still don't understand...." Though Umberto's apology made him more determined to try and help his husband understand it wasn't his fault that he died. As they embraced it was easy to melt into Umberto's grip, he was still trying to sort out his feelings but at the very least he could understand the enjoyment that he felt when in Umberto's arms and he didn't have the desire to let go. He wouldn't be able to make a comment back, seeing as he wasn't one for lying and he couldn't remember Umberto but he nodded his head in agreement. "I won't do it again." Little did he know, he just made a promise that he would regret later when his memory came back. "And I'll make it up to you. I promise." Even with memory coming back, thankfully this one would be easier to accomplish. The laughing, though it sounded like it could have been innocent, he knew that voice from somewhere and the memory that crossed his mind was painful.
Umberto started rubbing his back, it had helped some but he just couldn't drown out the noise. Umberto had taken his hand and lead him home. "Okay." He was quick to follow after Umberto and when they made it home, he was speechless as he looked around the house. Suddenly somebody had wrapped their arms from behind him and he turned quickly before shoving them away from him. The girl, he knew that girl....... she had yelled at him, for some reason she knew his name. "I don't know you...." It was a better comment than out flat asking why she was following him around when he gave her credit towards his death. The comment must have been very upsetting because the girl was quick to turn on her heels and run from the house, Silas held a blank stare on his face, unaware that he hurt his sister's feelings.
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